Why is it so Hard to Stop?

In coaching, the first step is always to stop and take stock of where you are. Yes, you want to make changes and achieve goals, but you must first explore where you are and what is going on there. What patterns and areas are you unhappy with? Why do you want to make changes? How will the changes affect the rest of your life? Along with many other questions.

However, this first step can be daunting, terrifying and tough. I think it is a natural tendency for people to skip this part and go straight into “doing-mode” and “planning mode”. It is great to know where you want to go, but if you don’t know the starting-off point, how will you know how to get there? How can you bridge the gap between reality and the ideal if you don’t know what your reality looks like? However, why is it so hard to stop, to pause, and take stock? Why is it so hard for us to do that?

I think in today’s society we are so used to “go go go” all the time. We are constantly online, ‘switched on’, reachable and available. We are taught to set goals, meet deadlines, push forward and therefore it has become very rare for us to actually just pause and reflect on where we are. Right here, right now. We might push ahead and not even realise that we are unsatisfied or experiencing stress, tiredness, unhappiness. So again, the first step is to stop and look at where you are in your life right now. This can be physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially- take stock of your whole life. Which things are important to you? Which areas would you like to develop? Which areas have taken over your life and dominate? Which areas are not filling enough space and time? There is no right and wrong here; this is your life and it is about what is important to you.

I mentioned that this can be quite terrifying. Why? You might ask. Well, because you are faced with reality, and it isn’t always pretty. It is easier to maintain a perfect, impeccable facade when you are moving fast and furiously through life. When you stop to look at what is actually going on, you might realise that you are vulnerable, fragile and afraid. You realise that you are human. Maybe you thought that all was “pretty ok” on the surface, but when facing up to it all you might see a different picture. I believe many people are afraid of seeing their true self, the “ugly truth”, their “flaws and failures”, and yes it can be quite overwhelming. You might discover hurts and pain and anger and frustration over unsolved situations, and these are all feelings that you may not have dealt with before. You see, when we rush through life we risk missing out on how we are feeling about it all. We are not used to displaying emotions openly or even be aware of how we are feeling. Are you aware when you feel angry about something, or sad? And if you are, do you acknowledge it or do you go straight to “I shouldn’t be feeling this way or reacting in this way?” A lot of people do not acknowledge their true emotions, having been brought up with "these emotions are not appropriate for a young girl/boy" or similar attitudes. Coming face-to-face with these emotions can be really tough, and you will need support to guide yourself through them and learn to deal with them.

It is important to remember that you don't just have “ugly” emotions. You will also discover great inner resources and unknown potential when you pause to look at your life. We all have an ocean of strength and awesomeness inside us. Interestingly enough, these emotions can be just as hard to deal with as the other ones. Because, when you rush forward and miss out on feeling all the ‘negative’ feelings you might also miss out on all the ‘positive’ feelings. When was the last time you really felt and acknowledged feeling happy, blessed and grateful? You must get to know yourself before you can truly move forward. You must really understand why you are seeking change and then you will know what changes will help you. You must know the 'what' & 'why' to find the ‘how’ & ‘when’. You must connect with yourself, both weaknesses and strengths, in order to know what the next step is for you. I believe that you can only really do that by pausing. You can keep going, pushing forward, making plans, achieving goals, but in the midst of all the hectic-ness how can you truly connect with your core?

You have got to start somewhere. So find the courage to take that first step; stop, pause, and take stock.