Who am I? Who are you?

Who am I?

In Kristin Neff’s inspiring and amazingly beautiful book ‘Self Compassion – Stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind’ she writes that human beings are “…a verb not a noun, a process rather than a fixed “thing”. Our actions change – mercurial beings that we are – according to time, circumstance, mood, setting.”

Though I know this is true, I often find it slightly frustrating and hard to get my head around. For years I believed that if I worked hard enough I would eventually reach perfection – and that would be it – I would continue to stay on that plateau for the rest of my life. I believed that once I had reached a certain stage, achieved certain skills and experiences, that I could maintain that status quo and not “fall back” again. However, life is not static, I am not static. Life, me and you are constantly changing, moving, growing, developing. We never stop learning, we won’t reach a point where we are ‘done with ourselves’ – and thank God for that!

Neff goes on to state that “Our successes and failures come and go – they neither define us nor do they determine our worthiness. They are merely part of the process of being alive.” So with all this movement and commotion, how do we answer the question; Who am I? I can describe myself in facts; age, gender, address, occupation, family etc. but who am I?

Well, in short, I am a very complex being. I am all of it; both the successes and failures, the joy and pain, the love and anger, the passion and insecurities, the triumphs and the tragedies, the courage and the doubt…I am ever changing.

How can we avoid being frustrated about this, feeling unstable and disconnected? By being mindful of it. By being aware that this is how it is. By understanding that this is the ‘status quo’. As Neff says; “Rather than getting lost in thoughts (…), we become mindful of our present moment experience, realizing that it is ever changing and impermanent. (…) Our minds may try to convince us otherwise, but our hearts know that our true value lies in the core experience of being a conscious being who feels and perceives.” So by accepting that we are not static, by embracing the complexity of ourselves, the ups and the downs, we become more truly ourselves. Because we are change, movement, growth – we are not just “success” or “failure”, “good” or “bad”. Sometimes we do good things, sometimes bad thing, but that does not make us “good people” or “bad people”.

We are all ‘works in progress’.