Getting to know your Inner Critic

We all have them, though they may present themselves in different ways. For some it is that little voice in the back of your head, for some it is a feeling or sensation or a certain display of behavior. Whichever it is, it does the same thing to all of us; it puts us down. It tells us that we are useless, worthless and not good “enough”. Meet your own Inner Critic!

I have previously touched upon the fact that we humans are imperfect and therefore make mistakes. In fact, most often than not, that is how we best learn. However, we still use these ‘mistakes’ as an excuse to beat ourselves up. We also tend to feed it to our Inner Critic, who loves nothing more than finding such “evidence” to prove that we are in fact useless, worthless and not good enough etc.

The thing is that the Inner Critic is a master in blowing things out of proportions. You forgot to make a phone call at work or send an email and therefore you think that you are “Completely Useless” at what you do. You have an argument with your partner and therefore feel “Completely Worthless”. A colleague or friend receives a promotion or good news, which you would have liked, and therefore you feel as if you are never good enough.

When this happens it is only a matter of time before you have completely spiraled out of control with negative thoughts. Our brain is wired that way, that when we have negative thoughts, it is easier to connect with other negative thoughts. So a minor issue can very quickly become a dramatic, overwhelming life-or-death-situation. You see, there are two things that we often forget; 1) Thoughts Are Not Facts and 2) Just because something goes “wrong” doesn’t mean that everything is wrong and that we are a total failure.

Let us look at the ‘thoughts are not facts’ first. If you constantly tell yourself negative things about yourself; “I am ugly, I am stupid, I am a complete failure” etc. then you will eventually begin to believe it – it also happens if others constantly tell you things; “You look weird, you are no good at cooking/salsa dancing/singing, you won’t make it in the world etc. Your Inner Critic collects evidence for you, to throw at you, when you are down; “Yes, you are useless because you didn’t get that promotion, just like when you were always picked last for the football team in school or when the teacher told you, that you were stupid” etc. etc. – on it goes – till you most defiantly feel like you will never EVER be good at anything again!

Remember then that thoughts are not facts; they are simply thoughts, ideas, your interpretation, your perception and all these things will shift according to your mood and state of mind at that particular moment. Therefore; don’t take your thoughts too seriously!

Secondly, erase the words “always” and “never” from your vocabulary. We tend to exaggerate situations by using those words. Nothing is ever always or never. Just because you made one mistake does not mean that you always make mistakes. Just because you are not good at math or find it difficult, does not mean that you are completely useless – maybe you are a language genius or great at sports!

We cannot all be good at everything, but we are all good at something.

Remember that, when you hear your Inner Critic shouting at you and don’t be afraid to challenge it and shout back; “Shut up! I am NOT an idiot just because I messed this one up. It is ok to make mistakes; we all do. I will simply try again when I am ready!”